Desert Song

Maybe this is obvious to you already...but this is interesting and worth a read! I'm not sure if this guy, Sean Adam Smith is Christian hmm..

"Marriage Isn’t For You"

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Renewed love?

This is a stereotypical "timeline" of a relationship..

What do you think of stage 4?

So my question is, what do you think about daily renewed love? 

Do you think it's possible to never hit their depiction of stage 4?

Is it possible to make the effort to love someone anew every day... 

TO PURSUE YOU EVERY DAY?

The way that God pursues you every day?

Happiness

Check out this video

"Scientists Discover One Of The Greatest Contributing Factors To Happiness"

Forgiving

uncle in Toronto

toronto trip was good.

my mum, sister and I stayed with aunt and uncle (my mum's cousin) and 3 kids aged 11 13 and 16.

They treat us really very well..you can really tell when someone truly loves you, they really want to spend time with you bc time is the most expensive commodity. My uncle always tells my sister and I to visit, to stay longer with them..I feel like he sees us like his own daughters. He knows my dad was never around. In fact, his dad was never around either. As a result....he has never spent a single night away from his family. He refuses to go on business trips unless he can bring his family..or he'll only go to the closer ones where he can go home at night. He is a PT and owned 4 clinics, teaches at McMaster university. They found out my aunt had cancer and he sold 3 of his 4 clinics so he could spend more time with family. 

Part of me is envious, i wish my dad was like that, i wish it were my family. 

Not only was my dad not teaching us what a father should be teaching his children, he wasnt even THERE, he didnt even give that a chance. Parents have the biggest impact in a child's life. For one, they have a huge impact on their children's view of themselves.  Someone who cannot manage his household well cannot expect to do great things outside, it starts at home. 

I am however more hopeful than envious. I see my uncle and I know there are good men out there. 

Faith